If you don’t know what to do, breathe.
This is a rule that permeates every aspect of my life. I’d bet that the vast majority of people who aren’t involved in sports, singing, yoga, martial arts, or mindfulness practices only pay attention to their breathing when something is wrong: it smells bad, it’s irregular, and so on.
At the same time, in all ancient practices of working with the mind and body, you’ll find exercises related to breathing. And this is understandable. Mindful breathing helps you relax, focus, increase sensitivity, become more aroused, and attune yourself to others. In singing, without proper breathing, you won’t be able to sing a strong and even part, and in various sports, you won’t be able to run, swim, or lift.
So, breathing is no less important in sex. I’ll explain in more detail in which sexual situations you can use conscious breathing.
Turn off your head
When you focus your attention on the sensations in your body, it automatically stops juggling thoughts in your head. Focusing on your breathing is the easiest way to return to these sensations. If you find yourself thinking about work and household chores during sex and this bothers you, try deep, even breathing (try to exhale through your mouth and make your inhalation 1.5–2 times longer).
Notice important processes
The downside of returning to sensations. “Flying out” of the body into abstract thoughts helps us not notice what’s happening to us at all. What we like and what we don’t.
By continually paying attention to your breathing and deepening it, you can discover what brings you pleasant sensations and what brings you unpleasant or even painful ones.
The effect is especially noticeable if you breathe slowly: you simply have enough time to understand what is happening.
You may also feel anxious, even scared. You need to be able to manage these emotions and discuss them with your partner. So be careful.
Relax
When you’re tense, experiencing pleasure can be difficult. Again, breathing can help. In fact, deep, slow breathing helps create a feeling of comfort and safety. For many women, this is essential for even becoming aroused. But it’s also important for men.
Take note if you are very nervous before sex.
A few conscious deep breaths in and out, and you’ll be better prepared for sex.
Focus
Women’s orgasms can sometimes be very fragile and easily “scared off.” If you try to breathe deeply as you approach orgasm, focusing your attention both on your breathing and on the area where you’re experiencing pre-orgasmic sensations, you’ll be less likely to be distracted.
Increase arousal and enhance sensitivity
Deepening and slowing down your breathing helps increase oxygenation and tissue circulation, which in turn increases sensitivity.
Rapid breathing increases arousal. If you’re looking for more intense, passionate sex, you can try breathing quickly and shallowly. Just be careful: if you feel a little dizzy, breathe more slowly.
You can also help yourself by adding sound. No, this isn’t about imitation, like in porn. When you add a voice—mooing, growling, moaning (just the ones that feel right to you)—you’ll become even more aroused. If the sounds are rhythmic, you might even slip into a light or deep trance. Enjoy.
Moreover, people involuntarily hold their breath before orgasm. This is completely natural. But try not to do this, and instead, deepen and/or quicken your breathing. The results may pleasantly surprise you.
Some may experience more intense sensations of restricted breathing – asphyxia, but such games often end tragically, so please do not try this without basic medical training.
Tune in with your partner
Those familiar with tantric partner exercises understand well the incredible things that can be achieved through breathwork. By breathing in sync, and sometimes even out of phase—one inhales, the other exhales—you can achieve an amazing sense of unity, dissolving into each other, and building arousal together. The sensations, I tell you, are truly transcendental.
Dominate
I learned this life hack about five years ago during an Ericksonian hypnosis class and have since actively used it in my sexual practices. When I want my partner to follow my lead, relax, or become more aroused, or immerse themselves in their sensations, I establish eye contact and invite them to follow my breathing. Then I can make them breathing deeper and more even or more rapid and intermittent—it all depends on the goal. And my partner simply follows suit.
If you do this calmly and confidently, your partner will feel safe and will happily follow suit. It works especially well with those who are used to being in control. Men, you can certainly do this with your partners too, if you’re both interested in this kind of play.
Try, experiment, come up with your own ways of working with breathing and have fun.
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