In today’s world, we’re all worried and anxious. It’s understandable that under stress, our intimate life suffers: if you can’t relax, you can’t enjoy yourself. If you’ve started having difficulties with sex, let’s try to unburden you a little.
Do you actually need it? First and foremost, determine whether you truly feel bad about the lack of sex or if it’s just a routine you feel you’re missing. Maybe it’s your partner complaining that you’re having less sex. In short, start by listening to yourself: do you really need sex right now, or do you feel like you just don’t have the “resources” for it? After all, unless it’s solo play, sex requires giving: conversations, hugs, and a certain level of interactivity.
Try talking to your partner about removing the unnecessary stuff. Tell them you want to have sex, but you can’t find the strength to talk to them before or after. It’s normal to voice your problems and try to solve them together.
If you realize you’re better off without sex for now—that’s okay. Sex isn’t going anywhere; it’s not the last bus leaving the station. But psychological health is a fragile thing; it needs to be protected.
Use “Tried and True” Methods Whatever it may be—erotic stories, audio porn, or a simple shower—if it works, great. Relax, spend time with yourself. No pressure, no rush. Just try to turn off your brain for fifteen minutes (or however long you need) in solitude.
Does everything work as it should when you’re by yourself? If so, try to understand what is missing in sex with your partner that you get from masturbation.
Use Liquid Stimulants Yes, there are purely “mechanical” methods. These include stimulating (usually warming) gels for the clitoris or liquid vibrators. For example, Shunga Dragon makes one: you apply it to the glans of the clitoris and the penis (optional), and it gives you waves of heat followed by waves of coolness. Blood rushes to the genitals, you get aroused, and you climax faster. Liquid vibrators give you slightly different sensations: they feel as though they are pulsating.
Don’t forget to test everything on the crook of your elbow first to make sure you don’t have an allergic reaction.
Leave Yourself Alone and Don’t Obsess If you don’t have an orgasm during partner sex (or any sex)—it’s frustrating, but not fatal. Did you have them before? When did they disappear? Let us guess—right when all the chaos started? That means it will come back eventually; it’s not gone for good. But the more you think about how to get your orgasm back, the further away it will pull.
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