Psychologists remind us that if you’re not 100% sure you can carry out your plan and see it through, it’s best not to even start. Just imagine the disappointment your partner will feel if you spent days planning, discussing the process, and tempting them with juicy details, only to suddenly decide at the last minute to cancel or postpone it indefinitely. Remember, there’s nothing more damaging to your sex life than demonstrating to your partner that you don’t want them (yes, your partner might interpret your behavior that way).
In the beginning was the word
Sexologists say the game begins long before you even show up in your pre-selected outfits. In other words, if you want your partner to be fully prepared and brimming with desire when you meet, start flirting with them right in the morning. For example, give them a passionate kiss before leaving for work, then send an arousing voice message, explicit text messages, and a few captivating photos. Just don’t overdo it. Otherwise, your partner might simply be eager for the evening and, after a few of these “hot shots,” release the sexual tension on their own.
Away with fears and doubts
Remember that there’s nothing shameful about role-playing, and in bed, you’re allowed to do whatever brings pleasure to both of you. So stop worrying about how your friends and acquaintances would react (if, for example, they found out what you’re doing with your spouse). What happens between you should be important only to the two of you, not to anyone else. However, if there are certain aspects that are absolutely unacceptable to you, then be honest with your partner about them, so you don’t blush with embarrassment and have to stop in the middle of the action.
Our whole life is a game
Remember that flirting is an important part of a marriage. So, be sure to flirt with your partner, gradually discussing the erotic fantasies you’d like to bring to life. Also, find out what your significant other would like to try—perhaps your desires coincide, and then coming up with something special will be a breeze. Just agree that during the game, you won’t tease each other or pretend to be genuinely interested (even though you’re actually barely holding back a yawn and wishing it would be over). Both partners must be involved, otherwise, there’s simply no point in even starting.
There is contact
Come up with safe words in advance and discuss what you’ll tolerate in the game and what you won’t. Don’t rely on things to just work out, as many experiments, especially those involving specialized BDSM gadgets and toys, require complete confidence that your partner won’t get scared (or change their mind) at the last minute. Otherwise, instead of a good mood and quality sex, you’ll end up with dissatisfaction (resentment and misunderstanding) from your partner and discourage them from engaging in anything like that for a long time.
Trust your intuition and imagination
Even if you’ve initially discussed every detail (or so you thought) and come up with a perfectly good scenario, something can go wrong during the process, and the key is not to panic prematurely. Don’t rush to stop the action, but trust your intuition. Start improvising and don’t forget to praise and encourage your partner (believe me, it’s not easy for them to adjust either, but they’re trying for the sake of your relationship). Remember, no phrases like “I don’t know what to do next,” “Figure out a better way yourself,” “Just play along,” or “I’m tired of being the leader”—those are taboo! Stop freaking out, and then everything will definitely work out, you’ll see.
Transforming without your partner’s eyes
The key to this is the element of surprise, so try changing and “rehearsing” in a separate location, then appearing before your partner in all your glory. To ensure the “magic” works and your sexuality is appreciated, choose outfits that aren’t too vulgar or accessible, but rather ones that allow your partner to use their imagination and “finish” something on their own. Also, don’t rush into undressing each other too quickly; don’t rush things; let the passion take over completely, and the result will surely impress you.
Play, but don’t get carried away
Some inexperienced couples try to imitate famous actors during role-playing (or simply try to replicate the script from an adult film), ultimately ruining their efforts. Psychologists say that insincerity during the process (overly intense displays of passion, vulgar behavior, uncharacteristic mannerisms, etc.) can not only disappoint your partner but also make them doubt their desire to continue such experiments with you in the future. To avoid being left with nothing, try to be realistic during the process and more carefully choose a role that will help you develop your sexuality, rather than the opposite.
Finish what you started
And perhaps the most important rule is that you must (simply must) maintain your role until the very end, until climax. Sexologists remind us that stopping mid-game, taking off your costumes, and muttering under your breath about being tired/hot/bored, etc., is simply unethical to your partner (after all, they’ve already set the mood, and such behavior will simply kill their desire and dampen their ardor for a long time). Therefore, try to stay in character until you achieve what you set out to achieve (and while things may not go perfectly the first time, you’ll feel much more confident during future similar experiments and be able to give each other unforgettable pleasure).
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