This is especially common among men. It’s a way to convince themselves that they’re needed and desirable. Others, on the contrary, are extremely cautious: they want to protect themselves from the pain they might be affected upon them. They’d be happy to start a new relationship if they could be guaranteed not to be hurt again. But opening your heart to someone is a risk you have to take if you want to start a new relationship.
There’s no doubt that, despite your new relationship, you’ll still be experiencing the divorce first and foremost. If you’ve suppressed pain or anger, it will impact your sexuality and your ability to accept a new relationship. Sex after divorce can be wonderful and exciting, or it can simply reopen your emotional wounds. It all depends on how quickly you heal.
If you weren’t the one initiating the divorce, it will lead to low self-esteem, a feeling of failure, and rejection from others. This, in turn, will have a huge impact on how you perceive your sexual attractiveness and your role in sex. Furthermore, there’s a significant difference between the sexual goals of men and women pursue and the motivations that drive them to behave sexually in certain ways. Search for the ideal
Feelings of loneliness and a complete rejection of the world around you can manifest in various ways. You may have no desire for sex, or even be afraid of sexual contact. You refuse to accept the world around you, and this affects your sense of self and your body. At the same time, you may use your sexuality to vent anger and regain control. Moreover, attracting attention boosts your self-esteem, which may have plummeted after the divorce. Fear and anxiety during sex
Men often experience anxiety during sex after divorce, which, in turn, causes erectile dysfunction. If you experience similar difficulties, consult a specialist to determine whether there is a physiological cause for your impotence. If there is none, consult a sexologist (this specialist, in addition to biological and medical expertise, considers the social and psychological aspects of sexuality). Impotence can arise from stress or guilt: often, the cause is a stressful divorce, a divorce following infidelity by a wife, or even a divorce following infidelity by a husband.
Unfortunately, men often try to solve their potency problems on their own, without seeking help. However, it’s essential to identify the true cause of your problems, and this is virtually impossible without the help of a specialist.
If you’ve become accustomed to a sexual life in which the ability to satisfy and be satisfied gradually came, with experience with your partner, you’ll now face a new set of questions, such as: “What’s expected of me now?”, “Is there anything I don’t know about sex?”, or “What’s acceptable in bed with this partner?” Your concerns are entirely justified, but they will fade with time—as you get to know your new partner better.
Monica Morris, author of “Finding Love in Midlife,” argues that there’s another fear that affects virtually everyone—both women and men. Men fear they won’t live up to a woman’s expectations, that they won’t be able to satisfy her—this is especially true for older men, although younger men feel the same way. “Sex is a big problem for men in general,” writes Monica. “You can’t fake it: you either have an erection or you don’t.” Perception of the body and sex
According to research, men and women view their body flaws differently. Generally, men are much less focused on their appearance and weight than women. Boys are taught from childhood to be brave and strong, and that doesn’t require beautiful eyes.
However, men are not immune to body image dissatisfaction or low self-esteem. This is especially true for older men. They fear not living up to their partner’s expectations. This is a common problem for men of any age. What do men want?
There’s a saying: women love with their ears, and men with their eyes. However, making such generalizations about all men is incorrect. Scientists have found that men “love” primarily with their eyes, but sounds and smells also play a very important role. And since sex is more physiological than psychological for a man, he is ready for sex after a divorce much faster than a woman.
A man’s desire for sex is heightened by the need to fill the emotional void left by a breakup: sex means he can have a very intimate relationship without having to talk about his feelings. It also boosts a man’s ego, especially if it’s been bruised.
That’s why many men want to have sex on the first date. It’s a big mistake to boost their self-esteem through sex. They’re looking for attention to feel loved and capable of love, but the results will be short-lived, and ultimately, the man will feel even more empty inside.
Alexey from the city of N…
Alexey asked his wife for a divorce after discovering she’d cheated on him with her best friend. He felt betrayed by two close people at once. He eventually resorted to one-night stands, trying to convince himself he was still attractive to women. “At first, everything was great,” he says. “I was with different women, and I enjoyed it. Besides, by changing sexual partners, I was trying to rub my ex-wife’s nose in it. But after a while, I realized that sex with strangers wasn’t quite what I needed. Of course, I wanted sex, but I also wanted to wake up hugging the woman I loved.”
Alexey realized that he had missed the emotional component and decided to end the relationship until he found a woman he really liked.Sex ≠ serious relationships
For a man, the desire to have sex doesn’t necessarily mean a desire for a serious relationship. Meanwhile, for women, sex means more than just physical stimulation.
Sex is one of the most intimate experiences two people can experience. By its very nature, intimacy makes people vulnerable to each other. Divorce destroys faith in serious relationships, idealism, and trust in others. For a new relationship to be genuine, you need to learn to trust. Before you can do that, you need to deal with the psychological trauma left behind by the breakup and embrace the changes you’ve experienced since the divorce.
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