Taking an interest in such things is a challenge to a society that cannot exist without sex, yet stubbornly refuses to acknowledge it. In such a situation, women’s sexual freedom is subject to the greatest moral pressure. A woman’s demonstration of her sexual desire is still considered something beyond the norm.
It’s undeniable that women and men view sexual intercourse very differently, which means their sexual behavior and expectations also differ dramatically. However, not all information about women’s preferences is accurate and truthful. Discarding archaic stereotypes and exploring the real mechanisms at work is important for both men who want to better understand their partners and women who want to uncover the causes of existing dissatisfaction or unlock their potential.
STEREOTYPES ABOUT FEMALE SEXUALITY
- The sinfulness of sexual intercourse
Historically, from a very early age, most women were taught, usually by their mothers/grandmothers/relatives, that sex is unacceptable, unnatural, and depraved. Having sex means “defiling” oneself. The only exception to this upbringing was, and remains, sex within marriage with one first and only partner, which sounds unrealistic.
Overprotective female relatives often cite the following as arguments: unbearable pain during defloration (the first sexual encounter), rape, and the notion that a man will disdain a girl after sex and break up with her. Thus, the accumulation of these myths, even in secular society, seriously distorts the perception of sex in young women. Negative attitudes can lead to genophobia (fear of sex) and increased pain during intercourse.
- Lack of need for sex
The claim that women don’t need sex is also completely unfounded. Despite the fact that women typically have far less sexual experience than men by the time they were married, they still need it. Moreover, it has been scientifically proven that a lack of sex negatively impacts the emotional well-being and physical health (possibly insomnia, cardiovascular problems, weight gain, worsening premenstrual syndrome, and even cancer) of both men and women.
- Painful Intercourse
There are also many myths about first-time sex being excessively painful. In fact, everything depends on the individual: from the amount of blood to the elasticity of the hymen (it may not break the first time, or it may not even be there). Much also depends on the woman’s psychological state, because if she’s relaxed and alone with a patient partner, she may not experience any discomfort.
- The necessity of vaginal orgasm
Unfortunately, women don’t always enter into sexual relationships with an understanding partner who is willing to listen to their desires and strive to ensure their own pleasure. Disappointing statistics show the following: only 29% of women always experience sexual satisfaction after intercourse; however, only 20% of women experience vaginal orgasm. This trend may have developed because women are accustomed to hiding their dissatisfaction. According to statistics, 90% of women regularly prefer to fake an orgasm if they haven’t experienced one. This suggests that dialogue is essential for fulfilling sex.
- Penis size
The myth that the larger a partner’s penis, the more likely a woman is to experience orgasm is also completely false. In fact, the effect can be quite the opposite. Penetration by a large penis can be extremely painful and negate any pleasure.
Passive role
Many men still believe that a woman prefers a passive role in bed. For this same reason, men often fear appearing insufficiently dominant in bed and prefer to take the active, top position. However, a significant percentage of women find sex in the classic missionary position is unpleasant. Of course, it’s individual, but experimenting is worth it.
THE MOST COMMON WOMEN’S FANTASIES
- Same-sex sex
This sexual fantasy certainly shouldn’t raise eyebrows for two reasons: first, it’s scientifically proven that women are more prone to bisexual behavior, which is completely normal (many have a latent bisexuality they’re unaware of); second, not all women want to act on this fantasy (according to many sexologists, thoughts of same-sex relationships are linked to the fact that women in general tend to evaluate other women, including by appearance).
- Man-woman-man
Women’s fantasies about MFF are almost always fueled by the fact that in reality, trying this type of threesome is virtually impossible (few partners are willing to give up their space to another man). For women, the MFF option is attractive because all the attention and affection is reserved for her.
- Woman-man-woman
It may seem surprising, but women are much less sensitive to the presence of another woman in bed. Fantasying male-female sex indicates sexual liberation and confidence in both themselves and their partner.
- Dominance
For many women, fantasies about dominance in bed stem from either an disability to experience it in reality or a lack of mental preparedness. By imagining themselves as the dominant woman, a woman becomes more relaxed and confident, feeling like a full participant in the act.
- Subordination
A much more common fantasy than the previous one. In this case, the desire to obey is more likely associated with a need for care and protection. In some cases, this fantasy symbolizes a longing for a lost childhood and, consequently, for paternal care.
- Change of partners
This fantasy can also disturb a partner, but it’s completely unfounded. Women enjoy imagining group sex with themselves because the removal of moral restrictions is a great way to unlock sexual potential and overcome shyness. Not everyone is ready to practice this in reality.
- Sex with a stranger
There may be two possible reasons for this: 1) a desire for thrills (the very thought of an adventure that is questionable from a public moral standpoint can be arousing); 2) boredom and monotony in an existing sexual relationship (here, it makes sense for partners to discuss each other’s desires).
- Sex with a blindfold
During sex (with both a regular and a new partner), it can be quite difficult to focus on your sensations. Blindfolding allows you to block out all distractions and concentrate entirely on the process.
- Rendering a rape
In reality, a fantasy of this kind indicates either a negative sexual experience or a strong fear of rape in real life. Another possible interpretation is that the woman was taught from an early age that sex is immoral, and a rape fantasy absolves her of some responsibility for the “crime.”
- Sex in nature
The adrenaline rush and the possibility of being caught off guard can be appealing in such a fantasy. In general, any fantasy about sex in a place where you might encounter other people indicates a certain tendency towards exhibitionism.
WHAT ELSE IS IMPORTANT FOR WOMEN IN SEX
- Respect. Unfortunately, most women still fear losing their partner’s respect after sex or simply becoming another woman added to his list of potential partners. Therefore, it’s crucial for a partner to make it clear that he takes her wishes and feelings into account.
- Care. It often happens that a man doesn’t feel the need to bring not only himself but also his partner to orgasm. Without satisfaction, a woman feels “incomplete.” For women, participation in sex is very important, the feeling that both are participating. For this reason,
- Note: This point is closely related to the previous one. Healthy sex is a dialogue, and during dialogue, glances and questions are crucial. Therefore, a man should maintain eye contact with his partner and also be interested in how she’s feeling.
- Words. It’s absolutely true that women “love with their ears.” Compliments play a huge role both during foreplay and during sex. It’s important for women to feel desirable and sexy.
- Feelings. Of course, you don’t have to be in love to have sex, but it’s crucial to let a woman know she’s not a replacement for someone else or the only available option for the night. It’s important for women to feel that the passion is mutual.
SEXUAL COMPLEXES OF WOMEN
It’s worth noting that nervous disorders, as well as various sexual complexes and deviations, are more common in women than in men. This trend is largely due to the historically established restrictions on sexual freedom among girls (including the cult of virginity, equating sexual relations before marriage with sin, etc.).
A man has every right to satisfy his sexual desires, and in his case, having extensive experience is an advantage. Meanwhile, for women, sexual relations are still considered normal only within long-term relationships. Finding pleasure with an existing partner is also a significant challenge for women. Discussing their own desires is especially difficult for them because of a strong fear of being “frigid” and abandoned. Let’s outline the currently known female sexual complexes:
Athena complex: a woman prefers to play the role of a protective father and prefers an infantile man as a lover, whom she can take care of.
Alice in Wonderland complex: a woman tends to imbue a real man with completely alien traits, often found in mythical heroes/characters from books or films; the discrepancy between fantasy and reality can cause acute disappointment.
Amazon complex: a woman treats a man with contempt and uses him only to conceive a child; after the task is accomplished, she immediately casts him out.
Diana complex: a woman experiences fear of losing her virginity and refuses sex.
Jocasta complex: a woman experiences a pathological attraction to her son.
Cinderella complex: a woman lives in anticipation of a “fairytale” prince who will radically change her life and make her extraordinary.
Clytemnestra complex: a woman does not want to have sex with her partner, withdraws from him and suppresses her sexuality.
Kopyushka complex: a woman is completely submissive to her partner in sex and is unable to be active.
Xanthippe complex: a woman identifies sex with dirt and vice, denying the sexual sphere and showing a tendency towards moralizing.
Medea complex: manifestations of pathological jealousy on the part of a woman, which can even lead to the murder of a partner or a perceived rival.
Messalina complex: an uncontrollable tendency in women to have promiscuous sexual relations.
Loneliness complex: unmet need for motherhood in women during menopause.
Knight and libertine complex: the requirement that a partner possess the qualities of both a valiant knight and a powerful, passionate lover.
Titania complex: a woman spends her life searching for the ideal partner, the image of which is taken from literature or cinema.
Electra complex: a woman’s pathological attraction to her father.
To overcome each of the above complexes, mutual understanding is essential. Both partners must be open to dialogue and work with a psychotherapist or sexologist.
The role of sex in a woman’s life should not be underestimated, because the degree to which her sexual needs are satisfied directly affects her emotional and physical state, as well as her success in other areas of life.
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