Simulated rape is a fairly common scenario in women’s erotic fantasies. What explains this?
Fantasies of sexual violence by men are among the most common for women. Why do our imaginations conjure up images that, in reality, risk being traumatic and life-threatening?
There’s not much research on women’s sexual assault fantasies. Author and science journalist Matthew Hudson believes they’re deliberately kept underreported.
“Many are reluctant to acknowledge these kinds of fantasies, fearing that they could become an indirect justification for real-life violence,” he says. “However, it’s important to explore the ‘dark sides’ of our sexual nature more deeply, rather than trying to keep them in the shadows.”
Such fantasies can be erotically attractive or, on the contrary, repulsive.
All published studies confirm the prevalence of these erotic fantasies—one in four women in ten indulges in them. One survey was conducted by University of North Texas psychologists Joseph Critella and Jenny Beavon. The researchers asked 355 women how often they fantasized about being forced during a sexual encounter and how far their fantasies went. Sixty-two percent responded that they had experienced such fantasies in real life.
Depending on how the question was phrased, 52% admitted to fantasizing about their partner’s brutal dominance, but they described a situation they knew was safe. When the word “rape” appeared in the questionnaire, only 32% reported such imaginary scenarios.
The frequency of fantasies also varied greatly: 25% of women reported them occurring less than once a year, 13% several times a year, 11% once a month, 8% once a week, and 5% several times a week. These figures are largely consistent with previous studies.
“Such fantasies can be erotically appealing or, conversely, repulsive,” says psychoanalyst Brett Kahr. “In erotic fantasies, a woman derives only pleasure from symbolic dominance; in aversive fantasies, sexual violence is perceived negatively.”
In Critelli and Bivona’s study, 45% of women described their fantasies as joyful experiences, 9% called them frightening and disgusting, and 46% admitted that their fantasies were mixed and contained elements of both erotic arousal and fear.
In their meta-analysis, Critelli and Bivona also compared 20 previous studies to assess the reasons that might lie behind the common scenario of sexual assault fantasies.
Trying to avoid internal guilt
“I grew up in a family with very strict rules,” Anna says. “You couldn’t even dress with the slightest hint of femininity, let alone interact closely with boys. For a long time, I lived with the feeling that sex was something shameful. Only fantasies in which I was forced to surrender—the end of the world was coming, and I was carried off by a handsome hero, often resembling a Hollywood actor—allowed me to relax.”
“If a woman is raised in a conservative environment where interest in sex is taboo, then from an early age, the only scenario she can imagine where she can indulge in erotic fantasies without feeling guilty about it is episodes of male violence,” says Jenny Bivona. “When she simply has no choice but to surrender to a man.”
Research shows that women living in environments where female sexuality is repressed fantasize significantly less. However, fantasies of sexual violence are prevalent among them.
The need for unconditional acceptance
One hypothesis interprets such fantasies as a desire for unconditional love. Violence here is simply a symbol of intense feelings that the partner is unable to contain. Some experts note that these fantasies originate from childhood and puberty, when the girl may have felt lonely.
“As a child, I had dolls that always played the roles of a princess and a bully,” Olga says. “The bully would attack the princess, kidnap her, and act almost like a rapist, and then both dolls would happily marry. Later, when I grew up and began to imagine myself in the princess’s place, I loved that feeling of being attractive and desirable.”
The more a woman suffers from insecurity, the more often she develops sexual fantasies with a subtext of violence.
“Many girls and young women experience elements of body dysmorphia, when their own body and face seem imperfect and repulsive to the opposite sex,” says Jenny Bivona. “These experiences are often exacerbated by actual experiences of rejection.”
Many people go through this experience at a young age. This may also partly explain the widespread fantasy scenario in which men go to extreme lengths just to keep a woman.”
Research also confirms that the more a woman suffers from insecurity and internal fears, the more often she develops sexual fantasies with a violent connotation.
Genetic predisposition to yield to the strongest
This hypothesis, advanced by evolutionary psychology, suggests that humans, like many mammals, are biologically programmed to fulfill a gender script: the male pursues the female, who surrenders to the will of the most dominant member of the group.
In nature, a female, when attracting a male, runs away and stops, challenging him to catch her. And the female’s submissive posture during intercourse in all mammals, particularly primates, is similarly controlled by a part of the hypothalamus—a subcortical structure of the brain.
This mechanism operates at a subconscious level, clearly manifesting itself in the scenarios of women’s and men’s fantasies. However, critics of this hypothesis emphasize that it cannot be fully confirmed or refuted, since, like most theories of evolutionary psychology, it has not been empirically tested.
Activation of biological processes
The mild fear that somewhat colors these fantasies also heightens our sexual desire. “It’s like a roller coaster ride, where terror and the desire to experience intense emotions are inseparable,” says Joseph Critelli. “The sympathetic nervous system becomes active during moments of intense stress and arousal; a person’s heart rate increases, their breathing quickens, and there’s increased genital moistening. Thus, the intense experiences that occur in fantasies contribute to sexual arousal.”
Robber Hero
A study of the most popular romance novels aimed at female readers shows that the female protagonist is subject to sexual violence in 54% of the plots. The perpetrator is a brutal hero in the guise of a warrior. Ultimately, the heroine always arouses in him not only animal desire but also feelings of love, and they happily walk down the aisle.
“Such plots in books for both men and women are built on the exploitation of the most familiar sexual fantasies,” notes sociologist and journalist Michael Castleman. “For a man, this is the fantasy of possessing a woman who enjoys his dominance; for a woman, this scenario is transformed into the appearance of an imaginary hero who desires her so passionately that he loses control of himself.”
The researchers suggest that the duality of this experience may also be appealing to women: both the unexpected transformation of the rapist into a loving hero and her own position as both a forcibly held concubine and a passionately desired lover.
It’s important to share such fantasies only with someone with whom you have a truly trusting relationship.
Psychoanalyst Brett Kahr asserts that the vast majority of women are perfectly capable of distinguishing between the threat of real violence from a stranger and the figments of their own imagination. However, in some cases, such fantasies may manifest as a reflection of unrepressed experiences related to past violence. They may also reflect latent masochistic tendencies.
“As a rule, fantasies involving elements of sexual violence can be considered normal, but if they become intrusive and uncomfortable for a woman, it is imperative to consult a specialist,” Kahr believes.
Should a woman share these fantasies with her partner? “Obviously, a loving partner will treat this sensitively and understandingly,” says Kahr. “However, someone with sadistic tendencies, which have not manifested or of which you were unaware, may interpret this information in a destructive and unsafe way.”
Therefore, it is important to share such fantasies only with someone with whom you have developed a truly trusting relationship.
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