1. Thoughts about sex are bothering you.
It’s perfectly normal to think about it occasionally. Edward Laumann, lead author of a major study of sexual practices, reports that most men under 60 and a quarter of women surveyed think about sex at least once a day.
If these thoughts don’t bother you, then everything is fine. But if they become obsessive, interfere with your work, studies, or concentration, it’s time to see a sexologist. They can help identify the cause of the problem and, through therapy, correct your behavior.
2. You prefer masturbation to sex with a partner
People masturbate at any age. It’s often how they experience their first sexual experience. According to an American study, 95% of men and 89% of women have done it at least once. Masturbation is not abnormal and does not pose a health risk.
However, problems can arise here too. For example, if you have a partner, but sex with them doesn’t bring you the same pleasure as self-pleasure, this can gradually ruin the relationship.
3. You can’t achieve orgasm.
If you don’t experience sexual satisfaction despite arousal and stimulation, you may have anorgasmia. This is more common in women, but it can affect men too. An expert from the respected medical publication WebMed reports that approximately 10% of women have never experienced orgasm—either with a partner or through masturbation.
Here are the reasons for the lack of orgasms:
- difficulties in relationships with a partner;
- diseases – such as diabetes;
- gynecological surgeries;
- taking certain medications;
- history of sexual abuse;
- religious and cultural ideas about sex;
- depression;
- stress;
- anxiety;
- low self-esteem.
A sexologist can help solve most of these problems or refer you to another specialist if the cause of anorgasmia is physiological.
4. You feel pain during sex
It’s most common in women, although it can affect men too. The causes can be both physiological and psychological. Either way, it’s bad: it’s your body’s way of telling you there’s a problem.
Don’t ignore discomfort if you experience it frequently.
See a gynecologist or urologist. If your doctor says everything is fine but you still feel pain, it’s time to see a sexologist.
5. You have no sexual desire
It fluctuates throughout our lives and depends on various factors.
Here are just a few reasons why you may not want sex:
- pregnancy and breastfeeding;
- changes in relationships with a regular partner (marriage, divorce);
- disability;
- menopause;
- problems in life or at work;
- conflicts;
- toxic relationships;
- lack of emotional connection with a partner;
- negative attitudes towards sex;
- criticism or betrayal from a loved one.
Occasional lack of desire is normal. We’re all human, and everyone experiences troubles, stress, and illness. But if you don’t desire your partner for a long time, it can strain your relationship, leading to arguments and misunderstandings.
6. You’re embarrassed to talk to your partner about sex.
Intimate conversations are embarrassing for many, but they’re essential in a relationship. If you constantly avoid the topic of sex, you won’t understand your partner’s desires, and your own desires will remain unexpressed.
You can start small: say that you enjoyed the sex.
Then gradually move on to questions: ask about your partner’s preferences in bed. What positions does your partner like? What kind of caresses do they enjoy? Does they want to try something new?
If you can’t seem to talk about it, and the mere thought of it terrifies you, it’s time to see a specialist. The problem may stem from childhood attitudes and inhibitions. A sexologist can help you find the cause and overcome your embarrassment.
7. You are concerned about your sexual orientation.
Experts believe that sexual orientation is not a choice, meaning it cannot be changed. However, due to a lack of understanding from others or even their own moral beliefs, people are often forced to hide their preferences. Over time, this can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, and even suicide. If you’re facing this problem, it’s worth seeing a sexologist. They won’t judge you, but they will listen and help you understand yourself.
8. You can’t have sex with the lights on.
This is often due to the fact that a person is embarrassed by their body and doesn’t want their partner to see it. Low self-esteem affects all areas of life, so this issue needs to be addressed quickly. If you feel like your partner only notices your flaws in bed, it’s time to talk to a sexologist.
9. You don’t know how to talk to teenagers about sex.
Yes, a sexologist can help solve this problem too. You don’t necessarily need to schedule regular sessions. A single session is enough for the specialist to explain how to start the conversation and what exactly to tell your child. If you’re still telling your teenager you found them in a cabbage patch, this is you.
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